shamrock (spiderchik) wrote,

m i s e r a b l e

i am so goddamned miserable right now. i know i have pms and i usually act this way for a few days.. but right now i just want to break up with joe, and live my life with my dog and my fucking fish and my own goddamned apartment. here i thought that for the last 5 months, joe wasnt touching his savings account at the far-away credit union.. and we had to go to the vet today with zeus and sammy. on the way home i stopped @ tonys and treated my family. joe was miserable. we went to his parents house, where a credit union statment lay on the counter. everytime i asked how much money he had in the credit union he would say that he hadnt gotten a statement in a while. and then i would go on and estimate that since he had 150 2 weeks before xmas, and 25 goes in a week.. that he should have almost 500. well i sat at the counter studying the credit union statment that showed a balance of 158$. and it also showed a $257 withdrawal on his birthday, and a 175$ withdrawal a few weeks before... so i thought maybe i was reading it wrong. he knew that i saw it. and i did not open my mouth the whole way home. so we get home and he is all miserable. so i casually ask him, did that paper say you have 158 in your savings account? and he said yes. and i said did it also say that there was a 257 withdrawal on your birthday? and he said yes. and i asked why he took that money out, and he said he didnt know, and i asked what did you spend it on? and he said that he just spent it over a period of time. and then he started bitching about why was i looking at his bank papers and does he look at mine? blah blah.

then he went to the store. he just came back and went out to the garage to be with dave.

i dont want to be with someone who lies to me, keeps things from me, and whom i cannot trust.

why do the people that i love the most hurt me so much?

what did i ever do to deserve feeling this way all of the time...

why did i let myself get to the point that im at? fat, ugly, in debt, and totally alone.

i just want to disappear.
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